broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
