I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
