I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
There's even glitter on my cock...
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