I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize