What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
