East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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