I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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