Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
