Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
