I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
