Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
