I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
he was CRYING into my vagina
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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