I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
