Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
