Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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