I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
