What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
