Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
