I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
birth control should be required to get into college
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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