She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
