He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
