Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
