so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
