I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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