I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
