I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
