i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
