well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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