I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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