My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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