A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
These tits shall not be calmed
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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