I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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