once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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