That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
