He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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