did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
