I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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