so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
