My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
