He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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