I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
