Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize