You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
