i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
