dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
