Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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