He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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