I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
