my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
