Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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