i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
