I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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