i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
