$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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