My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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