Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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