I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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