stop calling my apartment porn island.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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