At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
