just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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