You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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