is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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