Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
