I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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