I'm laying in your front yard are you home
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
