Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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