You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
