k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
