He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
