He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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