break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
