It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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