Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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