I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
