the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm getting married
To pizza
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
