i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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