I just threw up on my dentist
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
