It's never too late to be topless.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
