he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
