in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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