Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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