At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
it's like heaven, but drunker
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
