Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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