When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
