When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
