There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
In other news, I just burned my penis
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
