don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
