He had one of those small greek statue penises
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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