this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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