Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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