once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Randomize
