We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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