Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
