I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
