im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Randomize
