Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
