I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
