You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize